i'm going to make it all end soon, and no-one can stop me. I've never felt so alone, so low or so sad. I look at myself and it makes me want to take a know and carve and slice parts off my body.I attempt to do my studying but i can't, i can't concentrate, and when i do i get even more confused. No-one has ever asked how i am, but even if they did, it's not like they would want to stop and listen. I am definately ready to end everything, and no-one will change my mind, but it's not like anyone will even try.

Well goodbye everyone,  I would say thankyou, but i have never felt that I have belonged here, no-one has ever spoken to me, supported me. I tried to make friends, but apparently no-one wanted to give me the time of day, to be honest I really don't blame you, not in the slightest.

The only reason I am being so blunt and sayong all of this, is because i know i won't have to deal with anything tomorrow, there will never be a tomorrow. I just felt, as this group is the place where i have voiced my thoughts the most in the last year or so I would tell you, i'm leaving a note for my family too, to explain myself.

Well...goodbye, hope you all have succesful journies.xxx

it's been more than months since my last post, and i have let myself go horribly. I'm so upset, every time i look at myself i just want to cry, i don't know how i liet myself get like this but this is the last time. After this there is no going back and i will be on the path to being perfect. Every time i catch a glimpse of myself in a miror or window i just look away, i can't stand the sight of myself at all. And what makes it even worse is that my friend confronted me about my self harming today, i couldn't do anything i just stood in silence and ran away, and i'm going to have to see her tomorrow in clases, all i could do when i left her was binge, and then i couldn't purge because i came staright home and my family is home now. I really don't know what to do, i'm going to have to find some way of purging, because if i don't i'm going to crawl into my bed and cry.

I'm so sorry for being so pathetic, but you guys are the only ones who i have ever been able to talk to and turn to who don't judge me.

Also i'm getting my arse into gear big time now, so itf anyone would like/needs a fasting buddy, then just send your msn.

[staystrong]

xx

i feel sooo disgusting, like, i've never felt htis shit in my entire life.i'm always depressed and when i get depressed i think is this all worth it and then i just binge.i so fucking fat and i'm going to end it all soon, i'm not eating again until i've lost 15lb's, i'm not!.and if i do, i'm just going to leave and disappear.i know it doesn't matter what i say on this, coz no-one ever reads what i say or supports/talks/comments, so i don't t even know why i do.well i do, it's because i have no-one else to talk to, at least when i do this, i feel like i'm getting it off my chest even though i get ignored, and feel shit and invisible.

all the time.

i have such a bad couple of days recently, i've been constantly depressed and all i want to do is eat, and so of course i gave into that litt;e voice telling me i was weak and pathetic and ate.i'm so scared about getting on the scales to see the extent of the damage from these last three days =|.i hate myself, i always think i wonder who would notice if i just went, i can never even think of anyone, that would be so much easier it's unreal.

also i'm not saying this to be horible to anyone. because you're all so nice and a lot of times reading and commenting on posts spurs me on, but no-one ever talks to me, or comments me, i thought this would be one place that wouldn't judge anyone. but i feel like such an outsider and it hurts, i know i don't have many friends, but i don't eally know how to make them in any other way that i have.

sorry about all of this i just feel so shit, and i can feel my stomache gowing as i write this i started my fast today but of course i failed so i'm going to officially start it at 18:00 o it's on the hour, and i'm not going to eat untill i lose 15lb's, i don't care how long it takes; but i'm sitting here cying because i can't seem to do anything right ever and surely this is the one thing i can control?.

i realy want to make friends and not sound like a depressive, if you talk to me any other day then i am so fun (hopefully lol), but i have got so uncomfortable with my friends at the moment because i just feel like they are staring at how fat i am =|, and there is a big party tonight and i'm just not going to go because there will be so many lovely beautiful skiny girls there and i will just look like a beached whale.i hate it.

sonetimes i just want to disappear.

i've had THE worst couple of days EVER.i don't even want to get on the scales i'm scared of what they might say, i'm going to the gym later after my revision, i've got like six weeks left until i can achieve what i want to.and sometimes it makes it even worse on here because i post regularly but no-one ever responds with comments or support makes me feel like i don't belong.do i not, or am i being paranoid?.it's just wherever i go i feel i don't belong and i thought here would be one place that i would feel ok but...

Also anyone want to go on a fast togehter?.

SS&TT.
xx